Core Values: As Fun as an Internet Quiz Only More Helpful!

At the heart of who we are lies our core values. These are the guiding principles that shape our decisions, influence our behaviors, and define how we view the world. While core values can be deeply personal, they also play a critical role in our relationships, work, and sense of fulfillment. In therapy, exploring and understanding your core values can help align your life with your true self, leading to greater clarity, purpose, and satisfaction. Plus it can be super fun!

What Are Core Values?

Core values are the fundamental beliefs and ideals that guide our actions. They influence everything from how we make decisions to how we relate to others and how we define success. Values like honesty, compassion, integrity, loyalty, adventure and even humor are common examples, but everyone’s values are unique to their experiences and personality. They reflect what truly matters to you and serve as a moral compass when navigating life’s challenges.

While our values may shift slightly over time due to life experiences, our core values tend to remain consistent. When we live in harmony with these values, we feel more authentic, grounded, and at peace. Conversely, when we stray from our values—whether due to external pressures or internal conflict—we may feel disconnected, anxious, dissatisfied, or even depressed.

Why Core Values Matter

1. Guiding Decision-Making When you’re clear about your core values, making decisions becomes easier. Your values act as a framework for determining what’s right for you, helping you stay aligned with your authentic self. For example, if one of your core values is integrity, you’ll be more likely to make choices that reflect honesty, even when it’s difficult. Aligning decisions with your values can prevent feelings of regret or disconnection and ensure that your actions reflect who you truly are.

2. Fostering Authentic Relationships Core values not only guide your internal compass but also influence how you interact with others. When you understand and honor your values, you’re more likely to attract people who share similar beliefs, leading to deeper, more meaningful connections. Relationships rooted in shared values tend to have stronger foundations, as they are built on mutual respect, trust, and understanding. However, no two people will share all core values, so understanding a partners values that are different than yours can still work. Being willing to let others live by what is important to them is just as important as you living by your own values.

3. Creating Purpose and Fulfillment Living in alignment with your values fosters a sense of purpose and fulfillment. When your actions are congruent with your beliefs, you experience a greater sense of meaning in both your personal and professional life. For example, if you value compassion, dedicating time to helping others can bring immense satisfaction. On the other hand, living out of alignment with your values—such as staying in a job that conflicts with your ideals—can leave you feeling unfulfilled and disconnected.

4. Building Resilience Core values act as a stabilizing force during life’s challenges. In times of stress, uncertainty, or hardship, staying connected to your values provides a sense of grounding and resilience. Knowing what matters most to you helps you navigate difficult situations with greater clarity and strength, allowing you to make decisions based on your principles rather than reacting out of fear or pressure.

Discovering Your Core Values

For many, identifying core values can be a reflective process, especially if they haven’t taken the time to explore them in depth. If you work with me in therapy, I have an activity that allows us to sort through all of the different core values to determine your own. Sort of like an internet quiz only more useful! Outside of therapy there are ways for people to do this on their own. Here are a few ways to begin discovering your core values:

1. Reflect on Peak Experiences Think about moments in your life when you felt most fulfilled or proud. What values were present in those experiences? For example, if you felt deeply satisfied after helping a friend in need, this might highlight compassion or loyalty as a core value.

2. Examine Your Anger and Frustration Negative emotions can also provide insight into your values. When you feel angry, frustrated, or upset, it’s often because something or someone has violated one of your core values. If you get upset when someone is dishonest with you, it’s a sign that honesty is important to you.

3. Assess Your Priorities Consider what you prioritize in your life. Do you place a high value on family, work, adventure, or personal growth? The areas where you focus your time and energy can reveal your deeper values.

4. Identify Role Models Reflect on people you admire or look up to. What qualities or values do they embody that resonate with you? Identifying the traits you admire in others can help clarify your own values.

Living in Alignment with Your Core Values

Once you’ve identified your core values, the next step is ensuring that your life reflects them. Living in alignment with your values takes conscious effort, as external pressures—whether from family, society, or work—can sometimes push you to compromise them. Here are some ways to bring your actions into alignment with your values:

1. Set Boundaries When you’re clear about your values, setting boundaries becomes essential to protect them. For example, if you value time with family, setting boundaries around work obligations may be necessary to ensure you prioritize your relationships. Boundaries help maintain integrity and prevent others from imposing on your core values.

2. Make Value-Based Decisions Before making major decisions, pause and consider whether your choice aligns with your values. Whether it’s changing careers, entering a new relationship, or making a financial decision, checking in with your core beliefs can help ensure you’re staying true to yourself.

3. Embrace Self-Compassion Living in alignment with your values doesn’t mean you’ll always make the “perfect” decision. There may be times when you unintentionally stray from your values due to life’s complexities. In those moments, practice self-compassion and view the experience as an opportunity to learn and reconnect with your values.

Understanding your core values is a crucial step toward living an authentic, purposeful life. These deeply held beliefs serve as a guide through life’s challenges, helping you make decisions that align with your true self, build meaningful relationships, and find greater fulfillment. By exploring and living in alignment with your core values, you can experience a greater sense of peace, clarity, and satisfaction. Whether through reflection, therapy, or personal exploration, discovering your core values is a powerful tool for leading an intentional and authentic life.